How to NOT murder your partner after having a baby

Updated: Jan 3, 2020

Having a baby is one of the single most stressful things you can do and it can put a huge strain on your relationship. Research shows that first-time parents argue on average 40% more after their child is born. You are both tired, irritable and emotional (men can get the baby blues too you know!), you argue over who had less sleep and who changed the last nappy and you have been up all night feeding your baby on demand while your partner lies their blissfully with his useless nipples, you look at him and feel your blood boil with envy.

My partner has always been good when it comes to helping out with the kids and the house (even tho he creates most the mess in the first place) but because he works full time a part of me always feels a little guilty for asking for help when I need it but I shouldn't and neither should you! Looking after a baby all day and night is exhausting (especially with a toddler in tow) so you should never feel bad for asking for more help, mom life is hard. My partner and I have avoided a lot of arguments by doing the classic rock, paper, scissors trick. It sounds silly I know but it is a great way of dividing up the parental duties when we can't agree who did what last, we have avoided many arguments by using this old playground method.

It's really important to remember that this is all new to your partner too and they don't have the same motherly instincts that we women have built-in us. You may be tempted to take your baby from your partner so that he/she settles but try to avoid doing this, your baby needs more time to bond with your partner as they have only just met whereas us mums have been carrying our babies around inside of us for 9 months, they know us better. Becoming a parent is a learning curve for the both of you, your natural instincts will make you want to soothe your baby when they are crying but if you deprive your partner the chance to soothe your baby then it will take a lot longer for your baby to settle with them and it will knock your partners confidence in their parenting skills, take a step back every once in a while and let your partner take control.

If your friends and family are anything like mine they will be dying for a chance to babysit your baby so when you feel ready to try to and go out just the two of you as a couple for a few hours every now and then to spend some proper baby-free quality time together. It's easy to get wrapped up in baby madness but always try to make time for each other.

You will argue and fight but as long as you remember that it will get easier and that the lack of sleep and truckload of dirty nappies will be over sooner than you think and you will miss the days that your baby was small enough to be swaddled and relied on you for everything so relish in the cuddles and enjoy the bumpy ride together while your baby is still a baby.

All images © 2020 Beth Bluck. All rights reserved. 


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